In 2015 Dov Baron was invited to speak at a joint assembly of the United Nations and the Department of State with his friend Tony McAleer to speak on the subject of “radicalism” and the culture that it comes out of. Dov shares about their first encounter when he asked him for the reason he came to visit him. Tony shares his shame that he was once a former Neo-Nazi and Holocaust denier. And Dov responds with a big smile saying, “you do know that I am a Jew?”Dov jokes that he and Tony were a perfect match. Over time, their relationship helped to de-radicalize him and he went on to write a book, The Cure for Hate that was made into a movie. Today, Tony is a changed man who travels the world speaking in synagogues and holocaust museums helping de-radicalize people.

At the UN event, a reporter asked how could Dov as a Jew have a relationship with Tony who was once a Neo-Nazi? A person who wanted the Jews to be annihilated. Dov’s reply was that he did not see Tony as a Neo-Nazi, instead he saw for who he was and not for what he did. When the reporter confessed that they did not understand his answer, Dov told them that he did not see Tony as a Neo-Nazi, instead he saw himself. A person who was highly intelligent and articulate, but who simply needed a place where he belonged. Dov remembered a time when he was that kind of person looking for a place to belong.
Everything around you is a reflection of you. Whether it pushes your buttons or brings you joy is a mirror reflection of something inside of you. It is not about you, but it is what is reflected back to you. You will have different reactions to various people. Some who will irritate you and others that you will love. When you decide to examine others around you from the place of that “this person is a reflection of me” it transforms everything. It will help you see your culture and how you are the catalyst which grows a culture that reflects who you are. Think of yourself as the center of your culture. Everyone who is in it is a dynamic reframing of who you are. When you do this you will develop compassion and empathy for the people around you.
Write down the list of your friends and then place them within various circles around you depending on their level of intimacy with you. These circles of intimacy define your personal culture.
Now do this exercise with a list of the people that you lead. What circle of intimacy are they in? It’s your job to bring others into your culture.
We’re hardwired for reciprocity
It is an innate function that we want to give to those who give to us. But everyone is waiting to see who will go first. Leaders go first. Leaders have to love your people before someone else does!

We are first and foremost emotional beings. We are all hungry for love. Knowing this does not make you weak. If you claim this fact, it will make you powerful. It will help you see the epidemic of loneliness.

When you care about employees, when you coach them, develop them, make them feel psychologically and emotionally safe. When you do all those things for people, you’re setting very high expectations for performance.
Rapport is the most important skill. If you take the time to find out what you have in common.
Dov shares how he developed a common bond with Tony McAleer through their common love for British humor.
Where is the commonality between you and the people in your culture? Or do you dismiss it because they are different from you. It’s not about you, it is about you finding a connection with others.
It’s a balance of heart, mind and soulful purpose. People want to bond, they want to connect.
When you deeply care for your people, they’re not only grateful but loyal. Your people want to reciprocate your love and care by giving you their best performance.

Most motivation is a form of manipulation that is based on punishment or reward.

The human mind does not work on statements, it operates on questions. The mind asks “why” questions. So the key is that when you try to motivate others through punishment, people will ask the question, “what do I have to do to make sure that I do not get that punishment.” Or, if you are motivated by reward, you will ask the question, “what do I have to do to get that thing?”

Instead, if you want to create a culture of belonging, you need to ask the question, “who do you want to be?” And can this be facilitated for them? As a leader it is not about you. It is about how you can support them for what they want to be. By just being generous with people, they will reward you. But don’t take that for granted! It’s actually an added incentive for doing what you should be doing anyway.

BBC Report, Over 47 million Americans left their jobs by the end of 2021. In 2022 an average of nearly 4 million people left their jobs each month. Plus 40% of employees were thinking about leaving their jobs within the next three to six months in 2022.
Two major factors that came out of the global pandemic of 2022. People paused long enough to reflect on what was missing in their life.
1) Meaning.
Purpose is found when you ask what is the “Why of Why?” As a leader it is important that you have their purpose in mind. And that their purpose is tied to the purpose of the company.

2) Lack of Community.
As a leader, you focused on building community inside your organization where they feel that they belong.

Salaries will only motivate people in the short term!

Normal is Over!
“Normal” isn’t healthy, it's just what we got used to.
Leaders have to stay curious about their people in order to build the community where they feel that they belong.
Dov shares about an accident while he was free climbing the face of a mountain, falling 120 feet onto the boulders below, breaking many bones leaving his mouth wired shut and emotionally depressed. During his recovery his buddies would try to cheer him up, Dov would lie to his friends that he was doing great and he was coming back. His reality was that he was never coming back. His normal was over.

Then it took the sudden loss of his pet cat to face he was never going to be the same.
Crying for the loss of who he had been. His normal was over.

Dov’s accident did not change him. These catalytic moments in your life are not when change happens. It is only when you think that you can go back to normal you make a choice of a different path. For him, he realized that there were 3 paths that he could take.
The path of denial
The path of victimhood
The path forward without what was normal.

Dov learned through the pain of his accident to question what is his purpose, meaning and why. Clarity came that it was not all about him.
Dov’s accident created him an “evangelical” passion about helping others find their purpose.
Stories can be a highly effective way not only to communicate but also to transmit important information and values from one person, organization, or community to another.

As a cultural leader you have to lead with stories.

Leaders create a culture of belonging through connecting with their people through their intrinsic drive.
Dov gives a strategy to apply. First ask yourself what would happen if you don’t follow your purpose?
It is your responsibility to fulfill your purpose.

Consequential Thinking is the process of assessing individual choices, in order to anticipate reaction and better follow intention.

Example - Ask yourself, “where does your path deviate?”

Take out a piece of paper
Map out all the major change points in your life
Consider how each of those are a Divergent Quantum Realities

Hugh Everet III is known for his teaching about the many worlds interpretations found in quantum physics.

What would your life be like in five years if you do not follow the calling that is in your heart? How will it impact your life and those in it?

Your life has changed with every major decision.

Practicing the strategy of consequential thinking will transform you and your culture of belonging.
The take-away from this section:

If we are going to Create a Culture of Belonging, we must first examine our own conscious and unconscious biases.

> How are you filtering people out based on your biases?
Instead of interviewing people about how they would think about “Outside of Box” when you are interested in fitting them to be inside the box of your company.

> Write out…”what is the box that I’m consciously creating as a bias for hiring my people?”
What bias is in the way of creating a culture of belonging? Hire outside of your own bias.
People will bond with the meaning and purpose of your company when they understand their own.

Integration questions:
> What is the meaning of your life?
> What is the most important thing to me? Why”
> Why does this matter? And what am I going to do with it in the next 24 hours?

The great unifying bond is Meaning… If you haven’t found your meaning, how can you expect them to bond with you and your organization?